IMPORTANT: This topic is about past vs. present tense. However, all of the following examples contain discussions of multiple subjects—not just past vs. present tense. Therefore, in addition to past vs. present tense, you are going to learn a lot of different things about good writing and rewriting.
Example 1
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
The verb form have been removed is called the past perfect. The past perfect expresses the idea that something occurred before another action in the past. It can also show that something happened before a specific time in the past.
The preferred usage of the past perfect tense is to explain a sequence of events, as in the following examples:
- We have driven 100 miles before lunch.
- I had run three other marathons before entering the Boston Marathon.
Notice each sentence describes the sequence of two events.
DISCUSSION
In our problem sentence, the author describes just one event only. Also, since the author does not indicate the removed uptime events are now restored, we assume they are still removed.
Since the uptime reports were removed and they continue to be removed, let’s simply use the present tense. Why? Because use of the present tense is the most direct way to communicate with your reader. Make your message as uncomplicated as possible
REVISION
Before
Uptime reports have been removed.
After
Uptime reports are removed.
Example 2
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
The verb form in the sentence’s object (after the word that) is has been provisioned. That is called the past perfect tense.
When is it appropriate to use the past perfect tense? Here is a quote from the website Englishpage:
The Past Perfect expresses the idea that something occurred before another action in the past. It can also show that something happened before a specific time in the past.
Englishpage gives some good examples of things that occurred before other actions in the past:
- I had never seen such a beautiful beach before I went to Kauai.
- I did not have any money because I had lost my wallet.
- Tony knew Istanbul so well because he had visited the city several times.
- Kristine had never been to an opera before last night.
- We were not able to get a hotel room because we had not booked in advance.
DISCUSSION
Given the rule of expressing the idea that something occurred before another action in the past or showing that something happened before a specific time in the past, it would be OK to use the past perfect tense if the sentence looked like this:
The client_secret string verified that the request has been provisioned appropriately.
But it does not.
Therefore, change has been provisioned to is provisioned.
REVISION
Before
The client_secret string verifies that the request has been provisioned appropriately.
After
The client_secret string verifies that the request is provisioned appropriately.
Example 3
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
Take this conditional statement out of the past tense and put it into the present tense.
DISCUSSION
The sentence reads (problem areas in boldface):
For example, if you wanted to send out a message … the delivery profile would be the email address for the client
Are we talking about something that happened 10 years ago? Two months ago? Last week? No, we are talking about something that takes place right now. Use the present tense.
REVISION
Before
For example, if you wanted to send out a message in an email channel, the delivery profile would be the email address for the client.
After
For example, if you want to send out a message in an email channel, the delivery profile is the email address for the client.
Example 4
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
- Perfect tenses
- Present vs. past
- Pronoun reference
DISCUSSION
Pronoun Reference
A visitor is a person, not a thing. Therefore, when referring to a person, use the word who instead of that.
Perfect Tenses and Present vs. Past
Instead of saying this:
a visitor … who has chosen
Say this:
a visitor … who chooses
REVISION
Before
A non-registered transactor (NRT) is a visitor to a FakeCorp site that has chosen not to create a guest account, but wants to get marketing newsletters.
After
A non-registered transactor (NRT) is a visitor to a FakeCorp site who chooses not to create a guest account, but wants to get marketing newsletters.
Example 5
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
These issues:
- Passive voice
- Perfect tenses and past vs. present
DISCUSSION
Perfect Tenses and Past vs. Present
Don’t say this:
If you have created customized email templates
Say this:
If you create customized email templates
Passive Voice
Don’t say this:
…these need to be defined in your client configuration.
Say this:
…define them in your client configuration
REVISION
Before
If you have created customized email templates, these need to be defined in your client configuration.
After
If you create customized email templates, define them in your client configuration.
Example 6
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
Fix these problems:
- Avoid the past perfect—you have installed. Use the present tense.
- Correct the awkward word order.
- Use simpler language—instead of additional, use more.
DISCUSSION
Don’t say this:
After you have installed the required FakeCorp ID files
Say this:
After you install the required FakeCorp ID files
Don’t say this:
there are two additional tasks you must complete
Say this:
you must complete two more tasks
REVISION
Before
After you have installed the required FakeCorp ID files, there are two additional tasks you must complete.
After
After you install the required FakeCorp ID files, you must complete two more tasks.
Example 7
REWRITE THIS SENTENCE
PROBLEM
This sentence is an odd mixture of future tense:
The CMS will commit the re-indexed data
And past perfect:
all data has been sent to Solr.
We need to put everything into the present tense.
DISCUSSION
Future Tense
Don’t say this:
The CMS will commit the re-indexed data
Say this:
The CMS commits the re-indexed data
Past Perfect
Don’t say this:
all data has been sent to Solr
Say this:
you send all the data to Solr
Also, notice we changed the passive voice to active voice.
REVISION
Before
The CMS will commit the re-indexed data only after all data has been sent to Solr.
After
The CMS commits the re-indexed data only after you send all the data to Solr.
