IMPORTANT: This topic is about parallelism. However, all of the following examples contain discussions of multiple subjects—not just parallelism. Therefore, in addition to parallelism, you are going to learn a lot of different things about good writing and rewriting.

Example 1

REWRITE THESE SENTENCES

PROBLEM

Each sentence lacks parallel construction. Here is parallelism as defined in the Wikipedia entry for Parallelism (grammar):

In grammar, parallelism, also known as parallel structure or parallel construction, is a balance within one or more sentences of similar phrases or clauses that have the same grammatical structure. The application of parallelism improves writing style and readability, and is thought to make sentences easier to process.

DISCUSSION

See the Revisions section.

REVISIONS

Sentence 1

Ellen likes hiking, the rodeo, and to take afternoon naps.

Rewrites:

Ellen likes hiking, the rodeo, and taking afternoon naps.

Explanation—hiking, the rodeo, and taking afternoon naps function as nouns.

Ellen likes to hike, attend the rodeo, and take afternoon naps.

Explanation—each activity uses the infinitive form: to hike, [to] attend the rodeo, and [to] take afternoon naps.

Sentence 2

My best friend took me dancing and to a show.

Rewrite:

My best friend took me to a dance and a show.

Explanation—dancing is a gerund (that is, a noun formed as a verb) and show is a noun. Since you cannot easily make show a gerund (showing doesn’t work in this context), the easiest solution is to make each a noun.

Sentence 3

My dog not only likes to play fetch, but also chase cars.

Rewrites:

My dog not only likes to play fetch, but he also likes to chase cars.

My dog likes not only to play fetch, but also to chase cars.

Explanation—In the original, the first activity is the infinitive form (that is, to play fetch), but the second activity lacks the infinitive word to (that is, but also [to] chase cars). You need to add the word to to the second activity to make everything parallel. That is true for both of the previous rewrites.

Sentence 4

I would rather pay for my education than financial aid.

Rewrite:

I would rather pay for my education than receive financial aid.

I would rather pay for my education than get financial aid.

Explanation—as written, the speaker is saying he or she would rather pay for … education or pay for financial aid. That does not make sense. You need to add a verb (for example, receive or get) before the words financial aid.

Example 2

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

The sentence lacks parallel structure.

Incidentally, the word ruggedize is a word. According to Merriam-Webster, it means:

Definition of RUGGEDIZE

transitive verb:

to strengthen (as a machine) for better resistance to wear, stress, and abuse <a ruggedized camera>

DISCUSSION

The sentence ends with a string of new improvements. These improvements flow out of the verb form led to:

[led to] a significant improvement in the RF performance
[led to] lower operational temperature limits
[led to] operational life of the new GPS device referred to as the Flight Imagery Recorder Locator (FIRLo)

Do you see which one of the three improvements needs revision?

REVISION

Before

Along with ruggedizing the device, the above changes led to a significant improvement in the RF performance, lower operational temperature limits, and operational life of the new GPS device referred to as the Flight Imagery Recorder Locator (FIRLo).

After

Along with ruggedizing the device, the above changes led to these benefits:

- Significant improvement in the RF performance
- Lower operational temperature limits
- Improved operational life of the new GPS device referred to as the Flight Imagery Recorder Locator (FIRLo)

Along with ruggedizing the device, the above changes led to significant improvement in the RF performance, lower operational temperature limits, and improved operational life of the new GPS device referred to as the Flight Imagery Recorder Locator (FIRLo).

Example 3

WHICH BULLET ITEM IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS?

PROBLEM

The first two bullet items are complete sentences with subjects and verbs. The third bullet item is a fragment.

DISCUSSION

The third bullet item does not have a verb. You need to remove the word that. When you do that, the word matches becomes the verb in the sentence.

Do you see why the presence of the word that make the difference between a complete sentence and a fragment? When you have that in this sentence, it merely leads to a dependent clause (in italics):

Accounts where the username is actually an email that matches the email account used to log in

But when you take that out, matches become the verb form you need to make a complete sentence.

Accounts where the username is actually an email matches the email account used to log in

REVISION

Before

Multiple accounts single email (MASE) occurs when a user tries to log in with his or her email address. The system then provides multiple accounts associated with that email address. However, no account is marked as the primary account. Here are some reasons:

- Other accounts share the same email address (often legacy accounts)
- Child accounts match the parent’s email address
- Accounts where the username is actually an email that matches the email account used to log in

After

- Other accounts share the same email address (often legacy accounts)
- Child accounts match the parent’s email address
- Accounts where the username is actually an email matches the email account used to log in

Example 4

MAKE THESE HEADINGS PARALLEL

PROBLEM

The headings are not parallel grammatically.

Three headings are nouns or noun phrases:

Zones
Usage and Billing Reports
Quotas

The other four headings are gerunds:

Creating Your First Zone
Requesting Access to an Existing Zone
Adding Others as Zone Members
Adding Others as Zone Owners

DISCUSSION

Your task is to make all seven headings consistent with the same grammatical structure. You can go either way.

Nouns or Noun Phrases

You can make them all nouns or noun phrases:

Zones
Your First Zone
Access to an Existing Zone
Zone Members
Zone Owners
Usage and Billing Reports
Quotas

Gerunds

What is a gerund? From the English grammar website Purdue OWL:

A gerund is a verbal that ends in -ing and functions as a noun. The term verbal indicates that a gerund, like the other two kinds of verbals, is based on a verb and therefore expresses action or a state of being. However, since a gerund functions as a noun, it occupies some positions in a sentence that a noun ordinarily would, for example: subject, direct object, subject complement, and object of preposition.

You can make them all gerunds:

Managing Zones
Creating Your First Zone
Requesting Access to an Existing Zone
Adding Others as Zone Members
Adding Others as Zone Owners
Reporting Usage and Billing Data
Managing Quota

REVISION

Before

Zones

Creating Your First Zone

Requesting Access to an Existing Zone

Adding Others as Zone Members

Adding Others as Zone Owners

Usage and Billing Reports

Quotas

After

[nouns or noun phrases]

Zones

Your First Zone

Access to an Existing Zone

Zone Members

Zone Owners

Usage and Billing Reports

Quotas

[gerunds]

Managing Zones

Creating Your First Zone

Requesting Access to an Existing Zone

Adding Others as Zone Members

Adding Others as Zone Owners

Reporting Usage and Billing Data

Managing Quota

Example 5

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

The author talks about ensuring three things:

Compliance
Functionality
Closing of security gaps

Compared to the first two bullet points, the third bullet point is not parallel. We need to make all three bullet points grammatically parallel.

DISCUSSION

Instead of this:

Closing of security gaps

Say this:

Security

Now the three attributes are parallel:

Compliance
Functionality
Security

I think it is OK to just use the word security. The “closing of [security] gaps” is an important part of security. Since the other two items (that is, compliance and functionality) are high-level generalities, it seems to me we can also use the high-level term security.

REVISION

Before

You need to review and update these applications periodically to ensure compliance, functionality, and closing of security gaps.

After

You need to review and update these applications periodically to ensure compliance, functionality, and security.

Example 6

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

From Sesame Street:

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

The client can change three things:

Colors [of the site]
Logos [of the site]
General feel [of the site]

The third change is not parallel grammatically to the first two changes. Why not? Because it has a modifier (the adjective, general), while the first two changes are simply nouns with no modifiers. Either add modifiers to the first two (I don’t recommend this solution), or find a way to make the third noun, that is, feel, to stand alone.

DISCUSSION

How can we make the three changes parallel?

My recommendation is two-fold. First, for clarity, add the article the before the series. Second, remove the modifier general. I believe the word feel is sufficient by itself.

REVISION

Before

This allows the client to change colors, logos, and general feel of the site.

After

This allows the client to change the colors, logos, and feel of the site.

Example 7

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

The “New functionality gives users the opportunity” to do what? This is what the example sentence says:

to customize returned data
[to customize] how it is displayed

The problem is the lack of parallelism of the two opportunities.

DISCUSSION

Why are the two opportunities not parallel? Well, let’s look at what we have:

returned data
how it is displayed

Grammatically, they are both objects, as in subject-verb-object. But their structure is different. This study is about rewriting, and that is what we are going to do: Rewrite.

Starting with the first opportunity, returned data, how do you customize to get the returned data you want to see on the screen? You do that by setting parameters. Right? Logically, you do not customize the returned data. You customize the parameters to get the returned data. Do you see how that works?

The second opportunity, how it is displayed, needs clarification because it is not immediately obvious what the word it refers to. The reader might have to slow down to figure it out. My recommendation is to be more explicit. Instead of using the pronoun it, use returned data.

If you want to write an absolutely parallel sentence, say this:

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize the parameters for the returned data and the appearance of the returned data.

That is a long, awkward sentence. How about this bullet list instead?

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize the following:

- Parameters for the returned data
- Appearance of the returned data

Or this:

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize the following:

- Parameters for the returned data
- Display of the returned data

REVISION

Before

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize returned data and how it is displayed.

After

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize the following:

- Parameters for the returned data
- Appearance of the returned data

Or this:

New functionality gives users the opportunity to customize the following:

- Parameters for the returned data
- Display of the returned data