Parenthetical Expressions

IMPORTANT: This topic is about parenthetical expressions. However, all of the following examples contain discussions of multiple subjects—not just parenthetical expressions. Therefore, in addition to parenthetical expressions, you are going to learn a lot of different things about good writing and rewriting.

Example 1

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

This author is having a love affair with the parenthetical expression. Too many parentheses in documentation is an annoying mannerism. It is annoying because there is an implication the material in parentheses is less important than the material in the regular text. As you can plainly see, however, the information in the parenthetical expressions in our example sentence is not trivial. It deserves to be placed on the same rhetorical plain.

We have three parenthetical expressions, but only one is OK in the example. Which one?

DISCUSSION

Here are the first two parenthetical expressions:

  • also known as opt-out
  • which falls under the governance of the CAN SPAM law

By using parentheses, the author treats these nuggets of information as asides. What exactly is an aside? Here is a definition:

A remark that is not directly related to the main topic of discussion.

Remark number 1—also known as opt-out—is important because it is a commonly-accepted synonym for suppression. That’s not trivial.

Remark number 2—which falls under the governance of the CAN SPAM law—is critical to the official definition of promotional mail. That’s not trivial either.

Neither of these strings of words should be in parentheses. They do not fit the definition of an aside. Both are directly related to the main topic of discussion.

The parenthetical expression (LOB) is acceptable because the author is calling out an acronym. This is acceptable provided this is the first time the term line of business appears in the narrative.

REVISION

Before

A suppression (also known as opt-out) request by the recipient of a promotional mail (which falls under the governance of the CAN SPAM law) is a request that no further email from that line of business (LOB) be sent to them.

After

Promotional mail falls under the governance of the CAN SPAM law. A suppression request, which is also called an opt-out, is the recipient’s request to the line of business (LOB) to stop sending promotional mail to the recipient.

Example 2

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

Let’s talk about using parentheses in a way that does not impair readability. Here is the rule for parentheses: Use parentheses to enclose information that clarifies or is used as an aside.

What’s wrong with the problem sentence? The information enclosed in parentheses is meant to clarify the information in the main sentence. We are making an important distinction between two types of fake_tokens. Grammatically, it is an aside, as defined by the previous rule.

The problem is word order. Sloppy word order puts the spotlight on the aside at the expense of the main point of the sentence.

DISCUSSION

This is a difficult sentence to read because we have a lengthy piece of information enclosed in parentheses inserted into the middle of the main sentence, between subject and verb. This is the main sentence:

A fake_token is required for authentication.

The subject of the sentence is fake_token. The verb in the sentence is is required. Unfortunately, the subject and verb are divided by this very long parenthetical phrase:

different from the fake_token in the previous pairing API section

This forces the reader to hold the subject, fake_token, in suspension, while tip-toeing through the 10-word minefield about a different type of fake_token. Because of its size and strategic placement in the sentence, the so-called aside grabs the reader’s attention. This is not the outcome the author intended.

REVISION

Because the information within parentheses blows a huge hole in the main sentence, this sentence cannot be saved as written. My suggestion is to abandon the parentheses construction altogether. It is not going to work in this situation.

Before

A fake_token (different from the fake_token in the previous pairing API section) is required for authentication.

After

For authentication, you need to use a fake_token different from the fake_token used in the previous pairing API section.

Or better:

A fake_token is required for authentication. This fake token is different from the fake_token in the previous pairing API section.

Example 3

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

Before you write a sentence with a parenthetical expression, ask yourself: If I completely remove the parenthetical expression from the main sentence, does its removal change the meaning of the main sentence in a way that you do not intend? Is the user experience diminished because important information is left out?

If removing the parenthetical expression does damage to the user experience, either rewrite the sentence without the parentheses, or create a new, second sentence to include the important supplementary information.

DISCUSSION

The example sentence makes two points.

  • Guests must be logged in, and activity there must be current activity in the activity database.
  • Discuss this with your solution engineer first.

Structurally, the parenthetical expression—discuss this with your solution engineer first—in the example sentence is like an aside. An aside typically is presented as an off-hand remark, some supplementary information. However, this particular parenthetical expression appears to be an important piece of information. You wouldn’t talk to the engineer first if it was not important, would you?

So why is it in parentheses?

Bottom line—if the information is important enough to include in your document in the first place, make an effort to put all the essential information on the same footing. When you want to incorporate truly less important information as a way to illustrate one of your main points, go ahead and use a parenthetical expression.

REVISION

Before

Guests must be logged in, and activity there must be current activity in the activity database (discuss this with your solution engineer first).

After

Guests must be logged in, and activity there must be current activity in the activity database. Discuss this with your solution engineer first.

Example 4

REWRITE THESE SENTENCES

PROBLEM

Each sentence contains a parenthetical expression. In each case, there might be a better way to go than using a parenthetical.

DISCUSSION

When is it a good idea to use a parenthetical expression? When it comes to writing style, it is best to reserve the use of a parenthetical when you want to add incidental information not crucial to the central meaning of a sentence. It is incidental information used to illustrate a point. The technical term for this is aside.

What is an aside? Literally, it means “to the side.” It is a remark that is not directly related to the main topic of discussion.

First Sentence

The parenthetical expression (such as a DMA link to iTunes) looks like an aside. Take the aside out and the meaning does not suffer. You could leave the example sentence as-is. Another way to punctuate the aside is to enclose it in commas.

Second Sentence

On the contrary, the parenthetical expression (typically, you can find it in the builds folder) appears to be a crucial directive for the user. This is not incidental, nice-to-know information.

Make this a complete sentence following the example sentence.

REVISION

Before

However, if you know you are going to perform a long-waiting, third-party callback operation (such as a DMA link to iTunes) and you want to reduce the chance that the token expires before the user gets back, you can call fakecorpid.forceTokenRefresh() before doing so.

Drag FakeCorpID.framework and FakeCorpID.Bundle into your project’s Frameworks section of the Project Navigator (usually in the builds folder).

After

With parentheses (no change)

However, if you know you are going to perform a long-waiting, third-party callback operation (such as a DMA link to iTunes) and you want to reduce the chance that the token expires before the user gets back, call fakecorpid.forceTokenRefresh() before doing so.

Or with commas

However, if you know you are going to perform a long-waiting, third-party callback operation, such as a DMA link to iTunes, and you want to reduce the chance that the token expires before the user gets back, call fakecorpid.forceTokenRefresh() before doing so.

And sentence 2

Drag FakeCorpID.framework and FakeCorpID.Bundle into your project’s Frameworks section of the Project Navigator. Typically, you can find it in the builds folder.

Example 5

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

This sentence is poorly written for these reasons:

  • It is way too long—51 words
  • The 14-word parenthetical expression in the middle of the sentence should be a separate sentence
  • The remaining 37-word sentence should be broken up into two or more simple sentences
  • The sentence lacks adequate punctuation
  • The word which should be replaced by the word that

DISCUSSION

Here is your process for deconstructing a long sentence:

  • Cap the entire sentence and paste it into a worksheet
  • Strip out the component parts and arrange them in a bullet list
  • Reconstruct each component part as a simple sentence
  • Reassemble the content into a sequence of simple sentences

Here are the component parts for the example sentence:

  • This means that for subsequent calls to the same data, or the same type of data, a business unit’s query returns cached data that is faster.
  • It is faster since the query does not hit the SOLR core, but returns cached results.
  • When we say the same type of data, we imply the data might change. (This sentence is a Note in the rewrite.)

NOTE: We work around the Which vs. That problem simply by starting a new sentence.

REVISION

Before

This means that for subsequent calls to the same data (or is it same type of data—implying that the underlying data might change) a business unit’s query is returning cached data which is faster since the query is not hitting the SOLR core but it is returning cached results.

After

This means that for subsequent calls to the same data, or the same type of data, a business unit’s query returns cached data that is faster. It is faster since the query does not hit the SOLR core, but returns cached results.

NOTE: When we say the same type of data, we imply the data might change.

Example 6

REWRITE THIS SENTENCE

PROBLEM

First, we have a problem with wordiness (see the bold type):

In addition, the profile service (which stores the creation and management of guest profiles) performs the following additional validation during registration or profile update.

Second, I would prefer to not enclose information in parentheses any more than I must. Some authors like parentheses a lot more than I do. I believe too many items in parentheses can be an annoying mannerism. Let’s see if there is a better way to go.

DISCUSSION

Wordiness

The sentence begins with In Addition. Later, we see this phrase, performs the following additional validation. We need to do some subtraction.

I will show you your two options in the Revision section.

The Problem with Information Enclosed in Parentheses

From the website GrammarBook:

Use parentheses to enclose information that clarifies or is used as an aside.

The implication is that information in parentheses is nice to know, but it is not essential to the basic meaning of the sentence. In other words, you could cut it out entirely and not lose the essence of the sentence. Grammatically, it does even belong to the sentence! So if you are undecided whether to put information in parentheses or set the information between commas as a parenthetical expression, decide whether the information truly belongs in the sentence at all.

Does the information enclosed in parentheses in the example sentence even belong in the sentence—Yes or No? You decide.

My opinion? It belongs in the sentence. Therefore, enclose the information in commas. See the Revision section for the results.

REVISION

Before

In addition, the profile service (which stores the creation and management of guest profiles) performs the following additional validation during registration or profile update.

After

In addition, the profile service, which stores the creation and management of guest profiles, performs the following validation during registration or profile update.

Or

The profile service, which stores the creation and management of guest profiles, performs the following additional validation during registration or profile update.